Semper In Medias Res

 Dear Friends, I will be honest with you. I had a rough couple of weeks in the middle of February. It was just another day and as I sat down on at my desk to start another day at work and I just yelled out in frustration out into the universe "I HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO GIVE." Marcin was also in the office and gave me a look that pretty much said, "Yep, she lost it." In truth, I did.  Since then, I gave every aspect of my life about 15% because I was trying to hold onto the 35% percent of my sanity and actively get back 50% of sanity back. I did all the self-care tips that one reads on Buzzfeed, Pinterest, podcasts, and blogs. Yoga, go for a run, take a bath, etc. Marcin even started to take both Caesar and Lana out for long walks so that I can have time to myself. I started writing in a journal again. I ticked all the "self-care" boxes and probably got my sanity back to 60%. But there is one thing that always take me to such highs - Music.  I don't need m...

I release this burden of silence for the years of off handed comments about war brides from a country I never visited or lived in. for the times I was accused of having an accent. for the rumors that my childhood home was full of dragons. I will no longer smile and stay silent. I release this burden of this hidden anger for the silence of so called friends. for my daughter who at 5 has already had her first question about the color of her skin. for the stranger who expressed her hatred because my skin is the base tan she has to pay for (hello tanning industry) and I was born with. I will no longer hide this anger. I release this silence and anger for my BIPOC and LGTBQ+ friends who had to watch their community suffer. who had to watch the unfair deaths of hundreds of friends, sons, daughters, parents, and grandparents. who had to watch the perpetrators be treated with kindness and the victims treated as criminals. I will stand and support you. I release these burdens to You. You who ca...

 Dear Friends, I've trying to teach Lana that importance of practice. And by routine, I would occasionally say "practice makes perfect." It wasn't until we were playing "Keep the balloon off the floor," and Lana said "I know I know, 'practice makes perfect.' That is when it struck me everything that is inherently wrong with that phrase. Specifically the word "perfect." By now, we all know that Perfection is not attainable. No one is perfect. So why do we do have this mindset that if I keep at something (practice), then I will be perfect? It's an old phrase I will give you. But it needs to be updated. I found this phrase in a random article, "Resilience requires practice." That's when I realize why we need to practice. It's not to be perfect, it's to be resilient. Practice teaches resilience. Being resilient means that you learn, you adjust, and you change.  I practice new crochet stitches not to create the per...