Skip to main content

My Christmas

Just before bed, she asks me, "Momma, can we just sit and stare at the lights?"
"Of course, sweetheart."
We lay on the floor and stare at the Christmas lights wrapped around the balcony. 
From here, you can see the rest of the Christmas decoration below. 

The tree that she was excited to put together.
The ornaments she excitedly added to the tree, all right at her height.
The colorful lights that Momma and Daddy looped around the tree.

We lay in silence for a few moments, quietly admiring the work. 
It's not fancy. It's not Instagram ready. 
It's all for us. For moments like this.

She turns her head to me and we share a smile.
She grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze.
She keeps my hand on her chest and she stares at the lights.

I hide my tears of joy for this moment.
I think, this is what it means to be a mom.
I stare at everything to commit this moment to memory.

This is my Christmas.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Little Girl That Was...

Hold on to the Firsts. The firsts smile, the firsts laughs, the firsts steps. That's what many new moms hear. As the years go on and the kids get older, the message becomes, "You'll never know when it will be the lasts. The lasts "Mommy," the last time you pick up and hold your child, the last time they grab your hand. I'm in the middle, and I am trying to hold onto these in between moments. The moments when she comes to me for a hug. The smell of her hair after a shower. The snuggles and giggles in her bed before it is time for her to sleep. The weight of her in my arms while I still have the opportunity to hold her. These moments make me smile, make me cry, and even sometimes, make me a little sad. Sad for the little girl that was, who wanted desperately to be held. Sad for the little girl that was, who just wanted to hear that she was good enough without the A's. Sad for the little girl that was, who wanted surprises, because that meant her family knew...

It's been 6 Months...

 ...since we have been home. Summer came and went in a blur of birthdays, outings, mini-trips, and adjustments.  Fall is almost over and we have found our rhythm now that Lana has started school. And by rhythm, I mean a vague sense of a daily schedule that allows for some curveballs. There is still a pandemic. There are still protocols to follow if any one (mostly Lana) is a "close contact" with positive Covid-19 person. So are schedule allows for possible quarantine situation. Winter is coming (see what I did there, #GoTFans?). Holidays, family gatherings, cooking fun. That is what I have in store for our family.  I spent this second half of 2021 investing in me. In my last post, I talked about hitting that Pandemic Wall. The post was mostly about the joy I found with music, which did/does help. I just needed more.  When we returned home from Germany, I was back in my zone. I am back in a environment where I can navigate, where I can advocate for myself. I set some ...

Finding Joy in Music.

 Dear Friends, I will be honest with you. I had a rough couple of weeks in the middle of February. It was just another day and as I sat down on at my desk to start another day at work and I just yelled out in frustration out into the universe "I HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO GIVE." Marcin was also in the office and gave me a look that pretty much said, "Yep, she lost it." In truth, I did.  Since then, I gave every aspect of my life about 15% because I was trying to hold onto the 35% percent of my sanity and actively get back 50% of sanity back. I did all the self-care tips that one reads on Buzzfeed, Pinterest, podcasts, and blogs. Yoga, go for a run, take a bath, etc. Marcin even started to take both Caesar and Lana out for long walks so that I can have time to myself. I started writing in a journal again. I ticked all the "self-care" boxes and probably got my sanity back to 60%. But there is one thing that always take me to such highs - Music.  I don't need m...